ResEDent Evil
by Triad Orion
Summary: The Eds try to scam the kids with a haunted house plot, but an accidental spill of the T-Virus within the commercial district complicates everything! It's up to the Eds thwart the hideous zombies and save the neigborhood! Chapter 6 UP! BE VERY AFRAID!
1. Eddy: The Man With the Scam!

Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Edd, n, Eddy or any of their respective characters. They belong to Cartoon Network, AKA Cartoon Studios, and Danny Antoucci. All rights are reserved to them. I also do not own Resident Evil, the T-Virus, or any other respective aspect of the Resident Evil series. Their rights are reserved to the Capcom corporation.  
  
It was a typical morning in the Cal-De-Sac, nothing special. Eddy and Double-D were already hard at work, planning the day's scam while Ed did his usual lumping around.  
  
"Eddy, do you have any idea how preposterous that idea is?!" Double-D asked loudly and rhetorically. "It's not even anywhere near Halloween! No one will want to go into a haunted house! It's out of season!"  
  
"Sure they will! Remember what I said before: 'You can do anyone with the right bait at any time!'"  
  
"Please, Eddy! The only one who would possibly fall for this one is Jonny, and you know Plank will talk him out of it one way or another!"  
  
"You actually think that board talks to Jonny?"  
  
"As unfeasible as it sounds, yes!" Double-D returned.  
  
"Hey, guys!" Ed shouted.  
  
"What do you want, lumpy?" Eddy asked, sighing.  
  
"Who wants to go to the candy store?!" Ed asked, stupidly.  
  
"We don't have any money, monobrow!"  
  
"Oh yes we do!" Ed replied, holding out his hands. Eddy ran over and quickly frowned.  
  
"Ed, those are bottlecaps."  
  
"YUP! Five bucks, Eddy!"  
  
"Ed, you can't trade bottlecaps for money! That's why Eddy and I need to make a plan to make money."  
  
"Like I was saying, a haunted house would be a good plan! Ed could be a zombie, you could be a ghost, Double-D!"  
  
"Eddy, you know I don't have any sort of training or experience in this area! How would I make a good ghost?"  
  
"All we have to do is study some of Ed's old horror flicks while we work out the kinks in the plan."  
  
"MOVIES GOOD FOR ED!" Ed shouted, a giant grin flooding his countenance.  
  
"Well, Ed seems to be enthused about the plan. I guess we could try it. What have we got to lose?" Edd consented.  
  
"I get to be a zombie mutant brain muncher from Mars, right?" Ed asked, shaking his arms out from side to side.  
  
"Shut up, Ed. Let's just go grab your movies and make for Double-D's place!"  
  
"Why my place, Eddy?"  
  
"You have the best equipment to design our haunted house, that's why! Come on!" Eddy charged from the lane towards Double-D's house in his usual running style. Ed followed closely, arms flapping behind him like two socks in the wind. Double-D sighed and followed his friends to his residence. 


	2. The Beginning of the Nightmare

Double-D stood at his drawing board with one pencil in his hand and another behind his ear. He spun to face Ed and Eddy who were waiting anxiously to see the local prodigy's newest brainchild.  
  
"Well, gentlemen. . ." Double-D started, "and I use that term loosely, I have a basic floor layout for our haunted house. Now, we need to do our research. Ed brought all of his old horror movies, correct?"  
  
"You bet!" Ed exclaimed, big fat grin beaming.  
  
"Where are they, Ed?" Eddy asked.  
  
"Umm. lemme find them!" Ed replied, rummaging through his jacket. He ducked his head and arms into it like a turtle. Double-D and Eddy glared at each other in confusion. Eddy shrugged, and turned back to Ed, whose legs had been withdrawn into his pants. Ed was now a bundle on the floor, looking much like a rock. Miscellaneous objects flew out of the arm, leg, and neck holes of Ed's clothes as he searched for his prized movies.  
  
"How does he get himself dressed in the mornings, anyway?" Eddy asked to himself. Eddy turned to Double-D. "Better go and make some popcorn." Double-D nodded and left the basement for his kitchen. Eddy rolled his eyes and prepared to follow Edd upstairs.  
  
"Found them!" Ed yelled, slamming a wheelbarrow full of video tapes on top of Eddy, smashing him to the ground.  
  
"Gr-Gr-Grandad?" Eddy stammered, pulling himself out from underneath the wheelbarrow. "ED!!!" Eddy shouted, leaping onto Ed. Eddy grabbed Ed by the collar and firmly planted his sneakers into Ed's chest. "Ed, that eyebrow's too big for your fat head!"  
  
"Guys, the popcorn is ready!" Double-D said from the top of the stairs.  
  
"Cool! Grab the movies, Ed!"  
  
"Table for two!" Ed shouted, carrying the wheelbarrow upstairs one-handed as if it were a mere pillow.  
  
********************************  
  
"Eddy, I can't believe you convinced me to do something this idiotic." Double-D sighed, slipping a fake zombie mask over his head. "First, we watched twelve hours of stupid monster movies that we could have produced better, now this."  
  
"Double-D, just stand there and look scary. Ed, go put on your monster costume." Eddy replied.  
  
"Righto, mister!" Ed replied, saluting. Ed left the room.  
  
"Monster constume. good lord, Eddy, I hope you don't mean that suit Ed wore to scare the living daylights out of the kids in the Cal-De-Sac! I still haven't recovered from the last time he put that thing on! I am still waking up in a cold sweat when I dream about it!"  
  
"Don't get your hat in a knot, Shakespeare. Ed'll be fine this time." Eddy replied, putting on his werewolf suit.  
  
"Ready for action, Eddy!" Ed yelled, returning into the room with his infamous gray monster suit on. "I am a monster!!! RRRRRGH!"  
  
"Save it for the customers, Ed!"  
  
"Oh, brother. . ."  
  
********************************  
  
Meanwhile, deep within the intestines of the commercial district, what started as a simple car accident involving a van and three cars was about to get more dangerous than anyone had ever expected. 


	3. Monster Surprise

"Ed, move the wall three feet to the right, please." Double-D stated pointing his zombie-glove covered hand in the proper location. Ed complied by lifting the cardboard wall and setting it where Double-D had specified.  
  
"Is it done yet?" Eddy asked, lumbering up in his werewolf costume.  
  
"Yes, it is ready, Eddy. We just need to finish planning the final phase. . . How to arrange it in Ed's backyard and basement. I have it planned that we'll start from the gate, and wind the guests through Ed's window and through the basement before they come upstairs into Ed's hallway, where it will end."  
  
"Just as long as the stairs aren't taken down again. . ." Eddy rolled his eyes. "You're not grounded again, are you Ed?"  
  
"No, I've been a good Ed." Ed said smiling. "Sarah hasn't found my freezer experiment yet!"  
  
"You still keep that thing?!" Double-D asked, stunned.  
  
"Don't you worry your little head over that, Double-D. Just finish the layout. The sooner we finish it, the faster we can get to the candy store!" Eddy smirked.  
  
"Very well. Ed, move the walls to fit this layout." Double-D passed a blueprint to Ed, who promptly saluted and dashed off to set Double-D's new brainchild into motion.  
  
**********************  
  
"Haunted house? That's a new one." Kevin mumbled.  
  
"The Eds just get worse everyday; why can't they think of something nice?" Jimmy whined. Suddenly, Eddy jumped out from behind Ed's fence decked out in his werewolf costume and roared ferociously.  
  
"V V Velcome to Ed's Haunted Adventure!" Eddy exclaimed, slurring the V like a vampire. "Where we scare you out of your shorts and you won't leave without feeling fear." Eddy began to laugh maniacally and howled. "Only 25 cents each!"  
  
"Please, you dorks couldn't scare Fluffy here."  
  
"Hey! Why don't you pay and find out if we can?"  
  
"Not from me, man." Kevin stomped off. "Dorks." Jimmy still remained standing, white as a sheet still staring at Eddy when Jonny and Rolf walked up.  
  
"Hey, Plank, a haunted house! Let's go on it!" Jonny stated, happy and chipper. He paused for a second. "You think it's bogus, buddy? No, it'll be fun! Come on!"  
  
"Rolf is interested in how the Eds have trudged on today! I will go."  
  
"Come on, Jimmy! It'll be fun!" Jonny exclaimed, grabbing Jimmy by the wrist.  
  
"But, but. . ."  
  
"That'll be 25 cents each. That comes to one dollar, total." Eddy smirked as four quarters from four separate customers rolled in. "Prepare to enter the realm of the dead." Eddy laughed maniacally again, swinging Ed's gate open so the suckers could enter.  
  
Rolf, Jonny, Plank, and Jimmy entered Ed's backyard and were amazed to find it transmogrified completely. The cardboard guard walls had been carefully painted with various spooky scenes, but nothing so scary that it was worth 25 cents. They continued walking through the 'haunted' labyrinth, with the occasional spring-loaded monster jumping out from around corners. Jimmy screamed each time, Rolf found each one resembled one of his family members, and Jonny just thought the whole thing was a hoot. Eventually, Double-D leapt from the shadows dressed as a zombie, scaring the pants off of Jimmy, making Jonny laugh, and perplexing Rolf.  
  
"Double-D-Ed-Boy? Why are you dressed as Rolf's Uncle Papsito?!"  
  
"Umm. . . I'm a zombie, Rolf. Not your uncle."  
  
"Rolf couldn't tell; you're the spitting image of Papsito!"  
  
"Move on, please." Double-D sighed. Rolf, Jonny, and Jimmy slipped down into Ed's basement through his tiny little window and were instantly startled by the transformation. It had the complete appearance of a dungeon, fake paper-mache skeletons, cobwebs, plastic spiders; the works. There was only one thing missing.  
  
"Gee, Plank, this part isn't scary at all." Then Ed leapt from his bathroom in his gray monster suit.  
  
"RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!" Ed screamed. He approached his victims with a scary and stalking walk. The three visitors were stunned stiff by Ed, and couldn't escape. It looked like the end for them, and they braced to be torn to shreds.  
  
"Sarah, where are you?"  
  
"I'll miss you buddy. . ."  
  
"Rolf only hopes he has been a good son of a Shepard." Ed stalked to bite range and then suddenly stopped just short of licking them. He pulled back and pointed to his door.  
  
"Exit's that way! Have a good day!" Ed said, happily.  
  
"The monster is One-Nut-Short-Of-A-Screw-Ed-Boy!"  
  
"Right on, Ed!"  
  
"I'm telling Sarah!" Jimmy ran out of the room crying, while Jonny and Rolf slapped Ed on the back.  
  
"Well done, Ed-boy! Good-for-nothing-Eds have finally done something right! Rolf leaves satisfied! Glory be to my father!" Rolf left the room, kicking his heels. It was obvious he got a total jolt from it.  
  
"Plank says 'You were great, Ed'! Wow, that was cool!" Jonny continued giggling as he left the room.  
  
"You're welcome!" Ed said, still in his monster suit.  
  
"Nicely done, Ed!" Double-D's voice sounded from outside the window.  
  
"RAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWAR!" Ed roared at him.  
  
"Ed, I'm Double-D, remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah. Sorry, Double-D."  
  
"You were really splendid this time, old chum."  
  
"I am fish bait! HAHAHAHA!" Ed laughed, pulling off his monster mask. He was sweating vigorously from the suit. Double-D pulled off his monster mask as Eddy walked into Ed's room from the stairwell.  
  
"Well done, boys! Something of ours has actually worked! Shows how much you know, Double-D."  
  
"Don't rub it in, Eddy. Besides, if we want to make it to the candy store before it closes, we have to hurry." Double-D said, while removing what was left of his costume. Ed simply leapt out of his; when he emerged, he was in nothing but his underwear.  
  
"Oh, Ed! You left you're clothes in the suit!" Double-D exclaimed in disgust.  
  
"Oops. Café Ole!" Ed leapt back into his suit, and leapt out with his pants where his shirt should've been, his shoes where his hands were, a sock on each ear, and his jacket wrapped around his waist. He was standing on his head, to make matters worse.  
  
"Ed! Quit clowning around, you maniac." Eddy said, between fits of laughter and removal of his werewolf costume.  
  
"Okay, I got it now! Sassafras!" He leapt back into the suit and finally leapt out fully and correctly clothed.  
  
"Okay, gentlemen, let us proceed to our destiny."  
  
"Jawbreakers. . ." Eddy's mouth watered.  
  
"JAWBREAKERS! HAHAHA!" Ed shouted, grabbing Eddy like a football and tossing him through the window smack into Double-D. Both of them flew back and crashed into the fence. "Come on guys! Ed wants his jawbreaker!" Ed picked up Eddy like a football again, and grabbed Double-D by the hat and dragged him along behind him as he crashed through the cardboard walls and finally through his fence.  
  
"Ed, we can walk ourselves you know."  
  
"Oh, yeah! I forgot." Ed stopped and put Eddy down, and released Double- D's hat. "Sorry, guys."  
  
"It's okay, lumpy. Let's go sack our treasure!" Eddy started off at a dead run, with Ed and Edd close on his heels.  
  
"Bags scare me, Eddy!"  
  
"Shut up, Ed." Eddy replied, still blasting ahead at full speed. Double-D gazed ahead at Peach Creek; it was eerily quiet. He knew in the recesses of his mind that this was going to be a long day. 


	4. City Escape?

"Come on! OPEN!" Eddy exclaimed, beating on the door of the candy store. "The store should be open."  
  
"Eddy, this is giving me the creeps. We haven't seen a soul since we entered Peach Creek. I'm a tad worried. We haven't even seen a car drive by!" Double-D returned.  
  
"I don't care! I WANT MY JAWBREAKER!" Eddy cried, punching the door desperately.  
  
"I think Eddy's brain has been munched by evil mutant space zombies." Ed stated, pushing Eddy away from the door of the candy store. "Look at me!" Ed exclaimed, pulling the door open.  
  
"What?! I hate it when you people do that." Eddy muttered.  
  
"You were PUSHING the door when the sign said PULL?! Eddy, that's something I'd expect from Ed!"  
  
"Well, you know what I'm going to say, Double-D." Ed replied.  
  
"Yeah, I know you wanted to do it. Let's go in." Eddy said, pushing past Ed. Eddy entered the candy store, drooling in anticipation of his inevitable jawbreaker. Eddy grabbed three large candied spheres and slammed them on the checkout counter. Eddy peered over the abandoned counter and looked around for the cashier. "Hey! Service!" Eddy shouted. Double-D and Ed approached the counter, and Double-D grew increasingly concerned.  
  
"Eddy, something's gotta be wrong; there's always someone at the counter!"  
  
"Cool your jets, Shakespeare. I guess we get them for free." Eddy smirked.  
  
"Eddy, that constitutes theft! Here, allow me." Double-D replied, pulling out a pad of sticky notes from his left pocket, and a pencil from the other. He quickly scribbled a message on the tiny yellow slip of paper, and slipped it on the counter. Being slight of hand, he quickly removed the 75 cents from Eddy's pocket necessary to pay for the orbs of sugar.  
  
"Hey! That's mine!"  
  
"It's rightfully the candy store's now. Let's go." Double-D replied, dragging Eddy out of the store. Ed followed in his usual lumpy fashion, and they proceeded to walk down the deserted main street.  
  
"Gee, there's still not a soul out here."  
  
"You're right, Double-D. It is kind of creepy when it's this silent; I don't even hear any birds." Eddy replied, still holding his jawbreaker. Ed and Double-D hadn't shoved theirs into their mouths yet either. "Hey Ed, what do you make this?" Eddy turned to him. Ed's expression had changed from his usual serene and clueless face to a self-aware face of fear.  
  
"Guys, this is just how that movie started; three guys walking down the deserted streets of their hometown, when all of a sudden, the giant mutant robot from planet Roboto suddenly came and ripped the flesh from their bodies!"  
  
"I think Ed's been watching too many horror movies, Eddy." Double-D stated, turning down a corner to another street. "I say we investigate why it's so quiet here." Eddy and Ed nodded, following their hat-clad friend. Double-D moved carefully down Peach Street, turning onto Apple Road, then carefully down Orange Avenue. The Eds still had seen no sign of anyone in the commercial district of Peach Creek, and were growing more nervous by the minute. As they approached the corner of Orange Avenue and Main Street, something caught their eyes. Double-D ran to investigate it, with Eddy and Ed closing quickly. It was the scene of an accident; a big one, considering the area. There were four sedans crashed together, each totaled with windshields and windows smashed open, and glass littering the ground around them. Double-D also noticed a smashed up commercial van, and he jogged over to look at it, while Eddy and Ed stood by the cars, scrutinizing the damage.  
  
"Wow, this was pretty major. Why aren't the police and doctors here yet, and why hasn't this been cleaned up? It looks like it happened ages ago!" Eddy said.  
  
"We are alone, guys! The mindless mutant Cyclops has purged the city with its evil rays of electric death! Run for your lives!" Ed shouted, running in circles around the wreckage, not actually getting anywhere. "Hi, Eddy!" He said, after he lapped the wreckage and passed him. "Hi, Eddy!" He ran around again. "Hi, Eddy!" Again and again he lapped the wreckage before Eddy did something to stop him.  
  
"Shut up, Ed." Eddy said, sticking his leg out to trip Ed. He did so, and Ed hit the ground with a thump.  
  
"Gentlemen, come here!" Double-D sounded, and Eddy and Ed soon obeyed. The van that Edd had been investigating was a standard sized white commercial van, but had a logo painted on the side.  
  
"Umbrella Corporation? What's that supposed to mean?" Eddy asked, reading the logo.  
  
"Eddy, you may not know this, but the Umbrella Corporation is a large business specializing in computer technology and medical supplies; though it's not known to many that the corporation itself is a Trojan Horse. The Umbrella Corporation is said to have developed several biological weapons for the government in secret."  
  
"Whoa! No kidding?!"  
  
"Yes. I'm not kidding. Take a look at the contents of the cargo area!"  
  
Ed and Eddy peered into the back of the van; the two back doors had been sheared completely off. They looked inside, and there was broken glass everywhere; beakers, test tubes, every kind of scientific piece of equipment imaginable was in the truck.  
  
"So, what makes you think this was dangerous, Sockhead? There's nothing in here but broken glass!" Eddy replied.  
  
"Well, look carefully, there." He pointed to the side of a heavily damaged crate. Eddy squinted his eyes in an attempt to read it. It was an orange label, with several spiked circles. The word below the odd shape read simply: 'Biohazard.' "I also found this in the front seat, Eddy." Edd handed Eddy a clipboard, apparently the contents of the van were listed on it. Eddy began reading the list aloud.  
  
"25 beakers, 50 microprocessors, 35 processors, 70 jugs of saline solution, 2 video cards, 5 sound cards, blah, blah, blah, 5 tubes of carbon silcontrate, and 2 vials of Type AA42-7? What the heck is Type AA42-7?!"  
  
"Check the next page, Eddy." Eddy scowled, but flipped the page. The next page had a biohazard symbol, and a lot of technical mumbo-jumbo that Eddy didn't care to read. He skimmed the rest of the page, until a chart of Types caught his sight.  
  
"Let's see. Type AA42-1: Saline Solution, Type AA42-4: Influenza Virus, Type AA42-6: Smallpox Virus, Type AA42-7: T-Virus." Eddy said, flipping through the list. "What the heck is the T-Virus?"  
  
"I don't know, Eddy, and I'm afraid to find out. Luckily this van wasn't carrying type four or six viruses, just the T-Virus. Sadly, there weren't many notes on the effects of the T-Virus, but. . . I might be able to figure some of it out if we're given proper time. Evacuation might have been sounded for Peach Creek after the spill. Regardless, we should go home, NOW!" Double-D shouted, shaken to the marrow.  
  
"For once, Double-D, I agree fully with you! Come on, lumpy." Eddy grabbed Ed by the jacket collar and dragged him town the road. Suddenly, the Eds stopped as they heard a scream and a sound of running. Growling and barking noises soon followed, and the Eds peered down the next street from the corner of a building, seeing a man running away from several dogs, who were barking ferociously and were quickly gaining ground. The man pulled out a nine millimeter handgun and fired several rounds, downing three of the six dogs that were chasing him, but the remaining three eventually caught him, tackling him to the ground, where the alpha hound promptly jumped on the man's back and when straight for the throat. Double- D turned away, already knowing what was about to happen; his stomach churning with nausea. Eddy and Ed watched in horror as the poor man was torn limb from limb by the three savage hounds; blood spurting all over the streets. Eddy could see the dogs were not just attacking him, they were feasting on him. Eddy spun back around the building, ran to a nearby trashcan, and quickly vomited in fear. Ed spun back around, not wishing to see anymore either, and he went to the can after Eddy had finished.  
  
"Double-D! We've got to get out of here! If those dogs see us, we're doomed!"  
  
"Agreed, ED! Double time!" Edd shouted at Ed, who had finished his business at the trashcan. The Eds hot-footed it back through the town, running at full speed. Even Double-D kept his pace going high; his fears surged his adrenaline. As they turned down another street to avoid the dogs and the main road, they stopped dead.  
  
"Good lord! What's happened here?!" Double-D shouted, seeing dozens of people lying face down on the ground, looking like they had already decayed. The air reeked of death; a smell that made Eddy want to vomit again. He pulled himself together and gazed at the streets. This was as bad as the dogs.  
  
"Oh, man. This is not cool!" Ed shouted. "Have pity, ruler of the netherworld!" Ed ran around in circles, shouting incessant babble. "I never got to see Jib again! I never got to go fishing in the desert! I never got my buttered toast this morning!"  
  
"Ed, calm yourself! We're still alive, right?! We'll get out of this!" Double-D shouted, trying to get Ed to shut up and calm down. Ed continued his ranting while Double-D continued to try to stop him. Eddy kept staring at the street ahead of him, he couldn't stop looking at it; he was too afraid to turn his back. For good reason. Eddy thought he heard a strange noise.  
  
"Guys, be quiet!" Eddy shushed them. "Listen." Ed and Edd stopped their arguing and listened intently to Eddy. Silence, deathly. Then, a grumbling noise.  
  
"What was that?!" Double-D asked.  
  
"My stomach." Ed said, dopey grin on his face. "I'm hungry!"  
  
"Shut up, lumpy! There was something else." Eddy quieted them so he could hear. More grumbling, louder this time; different from Ed's belly. Finally, there was an all-out moan. The Eds quickly began to shiver and shake, realizing the sound of anguish was ahead of them. More moans occurred every second, until the area was no longer deathly silent; it became deathly scary. "Double-D! That dead guy on the right. . . did he just move?"  
  
"Preposterous, Eddy." Double-D returned, teeth chattering. Double-D had seen it too; it must've moved if Eddy saw it as well. He kept his eyes fixed ahead, trying to figure out what to do next. The moans grew louder, especially the ones closer to them. Finally, the said dead man on the right side of the street used his arms to push himself off the ground and to his feet. Three others nearby joined him seconds later. Their bodies looked as though they had been decaying for a long time; their clothes were tattered, mangled, and almost unrecognizable. Finally; their eyes. Lifeless, dead. The whole of each one of their eyes was pure white; there was no iris or pupil to be seen in them. Each one of the Eds let loose a guttural scream, and the walking dead began staggering towards them slowly.  
  
"What the hell is going on here?!" Eddy shouted, uncharacteristically swearing.  
  
"I don't know Eddy!"  
  
"EVIL MUTANT ZOMBIES! RUN FOR IT!!!" Ed shouted, eyebrow twelve inches over his head. Stuffing his jawbreaker into his pants pocket, and causing a huge bulge in them, he grabbed both the other Eds and began running in the opposite direction.  
  
"Ed has the right idea, Double-D! It must be a miracle!" Eddy managed to say, while Ed held him much like a football. Double-D, who was in a similar position under Ed's left armpit, managed to reply.  
  
"It'll be a miracle if even I could figure out what to do next!" Edd replied, holding his jawbreaker in one hand and the clipboard from the crash site in the other.  
  
"Must seek shelter, or the demons of the green gravy will suck out our marrow!" Ed shouted, running past more zombies and making a bee-line straight for the Cal-De-Sac.  
  
"Well put, Ed." Double-D responded.  
  
"This is no time for games!" Eddy yelled back at them. Quit screwing around; I think there are more of those things up ahead!"  
  
"My God, they're everywhere! My word, what caused this?!" Double-D cried, as Ed blazed past more of the undead horrors.  
  
"I don't know, Sockhead. Keep running, Ed!" Eddy shouted to Ed, who did just that. They finally reached the limits of the town, charging back to their homes. No sign of zombies here; there were signs of life in the neighborhood, and the Eds could hear the sounds of the kids they knew in the Cal-De-Sac ahead of them, but the question was, how long would it last? 


	5. Terror Time!

Eddy charged up to the nearest house, with Double-D and Ed just behind him. He pounded on the door loudly. The door opened after a moment, and Rolf stared down on the three-haired Ed-boy.  
  
"What is it, Ed-boy? Why must you disturb Rolf when he is beating the filth from the cabbages?"  
  
"Rolf! It was horrible. . . the city, and the van, and the people. . ."  
  
"Why are you speaking in fragmented sentences, money-grubbing-Ed-Boy?"  
  
"Rolf, there was something horrible in the city! A strange virus has gripped the suburbs, turning the populous into hideous creatures! Rolf, gather the kids in the Cal-De-Sac and let's head for the hills!" Double-D shouted. Rolf's expression became flooded with confusion, and he turned glancing at each of the Eds. A huge smile gripped his face.  
  
"Oh-ho! Crazy-Stuck-in-the-Rut-Ed-Boys are milking their haunted house plot! If Rolf had time, he would gladly play along like a merry Andrew. But, Rolf has no time and no money. Good-bye." Rolf spun around, but Eddy grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him back around.  
  
"This is no joke, Rolf! There really are bad things out there! We saw a man get ripped into pieces by a group of mutated dogs! Rolf, you have to believe me, this is not a scam!"  
  
"Sorry, Eddy. I must be getting back to work." Rolf shoved Eddy off of him, and returned into his house.  
  
"Now what?" Ed asked.  
  
"We try the others." Double-D replied, turning for Kevin's house. He ran up to Kevin's house in his usual fashion, sans smile, and rapped on the door heavily. Moments later, Kevin stood in the doorway, eyes studying him.  
  
"What do you want, Double-Dork?" Kevin asked, irritated.  
  
"Kevin, as preposterous as it sounds, you must listen to me! In the town! The dead have risen; some kind of stimulus has turned the inhabitants of Peach Creek into mindless zombies! Even the canines of the town have mutated! Ed, Eddy, and I saw a poor man lacerated into pieces by hounds bent on death! Kevin, we must gather everyone in the Cal-De-Sac and run for it!" Double-D explained, trying hard to remain calm. Kevin's eyes remained fixated, his expression cold.  
  
"Yeah right. I know you dorks did a haunted house thing earlier. I don't buy your scam, stupid."  
  
"Kevin, this is no joke!" Double-D returned.  
  
"I'm sure. Try harder next time, Double-Dweeb." Kevin said, preparing to shut his door. Before he could do so, he was dragged forward a step by Double-D grabbing his shirt in an attempt to get him to listen.  
  
"Kevin! I'm not kidding! Something seriously wrong is going on!"  
  
"I'll give you three to let go of me." Kevin replied, obviously miffed. Double-D did so, and turned his back.  
  
"Very well, Kevin. Don't come crying to me if some dog bites your flesh clean." Double-D said.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't." Kevin said, slamming the door. Edd could swear he heard the cackling laughter of the neighborhood jock behind his door. Double-D sighed, and regrouped with Ed and Eddy.  
  
"Well gentlemen, who do we warn next?" Double-D asked.  
  
"Let's try Jonny 2x4." Eddy replied.  
  
"I don't think he's going to buy it, Eddy. Even if he does, Plank won't." Double-D replied.  
  
"Again with Plank having a personality? Are you off your nut, Double-D?!" Eddy asked.  
  
"Hardly. Well, if the neighborhood kids aren't going to believe us, we should think of a way to deter the monsters from our homes. What we need are defense weapons. Follow me." Double-D responded.  
  
"Double-D's got a plan, Eddy!" Ed shouted. "Do I get the cupcake?!" He said, charging after Edd. Eddy did nothing but roll his eyes before he took off after them. Edd ran behind Ed's house and instantly opened Ed's garage door. There was still a huge pile of junk within the two-car garage. "Ed! Get me a Shop-Vac, some extension cords, a baseball bat, and whatever else you can find that we might be able to use."  
  
"In your hat, Double-D!" He said, leaping into the boundless heap of junk.  
  
"Eddy, you go home and rummage through your attic and see if you can find anything that might be useful. Your parents keep everything, so there's bound to be something for us to use!" Double-D ordered. Eddy nodded, and again out-of-character, complied with Edd's order. Eddy blazed off towards his house while Double-D turned back to the garage. Miscellaneous objects flew over his head and onto the lawn while Ed rummaged. Several odd objects flew over head, including a set of golf clubs, a stove, a dresser, an overstuffed chair, a photo album, and even a kitchen sink. Ed was really searching hard; that much was for sure.  
  
"Found it!" Ed shouted.  
  
"The shop-vac?" Double-D asked.  
  
"No, my freezer experiment! I wondered where I had put it!" Ed replied, the large fish flying out from the garage. Double-D sighed, realizing Ed would probably never find what he had asked for. "Oh, yeah. Got this too." Ed said, pitching a large, black vacuum at Edd. Startled, Edd was thrown back three feet under the sheer force of the impact, the vaccum landing on top of him. He pushed the cleaner off of him and sat up. He was promptly rewarded by four orange extension cords hitting him in the face. "There's nothing but garbage in here, Double-D!" Ed replied, poking his head out from the mess.  
  
"Keep looking, Ed."  
  
"Roger rabbit, Double-D!"  
  
"Please Ed, isn't there enough copyright infringement in the world already?!"  
  
"Sorry." Ed pouted, pulling his head back into the garbage. More miscellaneous junk flew through the air as he continued his rummaging. Edd started puzzling over what to do with all of the objects Ed had excavated from his dump of a garage. Pondering over the shop-vac, he examined the bag of golf clubs and found dozens of golf balls in the pockets of the bag. Innovation coming to him, he took every ball out of the bag and dumped them into the bag of the shop-vac. He then popped open the motor, and made some slight adjustments, and set the vacuum to exhaust. He smiled, realizing he had just made a great tool for defending the Cal-De-Sac. Turning back to the garbage Ed had extracted, he took a car battery and some jumper-cables and attached them to a broken fly zapper. He stuck the battery in a backpack and let the jumper-cables come out the unzipped side. Adding a small rubber insulated handle to the zapper, he turned on the zapper and pushed it to full power. A bolt of electricity shot forth and fried the fence in front of him. Pleased, he deactivated the bug zapper and set it next to the shop-vac cannon. Ed's mother's sewing kit lie on the ground, and he opened it, to find dozens upon dozens of crochet needles. Double-D knew this had potential, but he had no way of propelling them. Suddenly, a small repeating piston assembly from a small engine hit him on the head. Examining it, he realized the part was still in good condition, but he needed an assembly to hold it and the ammunition. Just as suddenly, a broken large multi-barreled dart gun landed on his head. Acting quickly, he took a Phillips-head screwdriver from his pocket and disassembled the gun, attaching the piston to a small battery pack he had in his other pocket and wiring it into the triggering mechanism of the dart cannon. Finally, he took a small box and rigged it that a needle would replace the one chambered in the piston assembly after it fired. Reassembling the gun, he had placed five needles in the box. Double-D winced as he pulled the trigger, and the five projectiles shot out of the gun as if it was a gauss rifle. He smiled again, opening the gun up and putting the remainder of the needles in the gun.  
  
"Ed, I think we're done."  
  
"Aww, and I just found my Dad's tackle box!" Ed whined, pulling out a lunch box that had to be from the fifties. "He keeps Jake, his pet rock, inside!" He smirked, opening it up. A dead squirrel lay inside, fully decayed. Double-D turned away and noticed Eddy returning.  
  
"Did you find anything, Eddy?"  
  
"Not a darn thing. Go figure my parents only kept junk." Eddy replied, noticing Double-D's handiwork. "What do you have here, Double-D?"  
  
"Ah, here I have a shop-vac cannon that shoots golf balls, a lightning gun, and a gauss rifle."  
  
"No foolin?!"  
  
"Yup. Manufactured out of sheer need and necessity, though I shun the thought that my talents are being used for violent purposes."  
  
"Don't let your stupid sockhead morality get in the way of your life, Double-D." Eddy said, half-barbed, half-reassuring. "I call this!" Eddy said, picking up the lightning gun, strapping the pack on his back, and aiming like he was going to fire.  
  
"Don't shoot, Eddy. I have no idea how long the battery will last." Double-D warned, picking up the gauss rifle. "Ed, please come over here."  
  
"Righto, bucko!" Ed laughed. "That rhymed!" He chuckled again, grabbing the shop-vac. "Take me to your leader!"  
  
***************************  
  
Kevin kicked his soccer ball into the air and hit it to Rolf with his head. "Head's up, Rolf!"  
  
"Rolf is good, no?" Rolf responded, keeping the ball in the air with his head, then kicking it up in the air a number of times by kneeing the ball back into the air numerous times.  
  
"Quit messing around, Rolf." Kevin shouted. "Pass me the ball." Rolf complied, and power-kicked the ball back to Kevin, but frail little Jimmy ended up right in the trajectory. Jimmy was knocked to the ground, and sat up.  
  
"Owie! That hurt! I'm telling Sarah!" Jimmy whined, trying to get up off the ground.  
  
"Take it easy there, Fluffy." Kevin said, walking up. "You okay?"  
  
"I think so." Jimmy replied, but a loud moan shook him. "What was that?!" Kevin and Rolf looked at each other; they both had heard it too. They looked down the lane, and saw a man staggering down the street.  
  
"What's with him? It's like he's hurt." Kevin said.  
  
"Maybe he needs help." Jimmy said.  
  
"Rolf must assist, because Rolf must uphold his word to his great Nano!" Rolf said, slowly approaching the man. Kevin and Jimmy followed closely, and they both drew closer to the man. Kevin noticed the man was walking abnormally, and even completely wrong, and it looked like he had been in a fight with his clothes tattered. As they approached closer, the face appeared dead and lifeless, skin decayed over most of its body.  
  
"What's going on here?" Kevin asked, suspicious. The man looked like something from a freak show; no irises in the eyes, no expression of life, no nothing. He looked like, what was it? A zombie. Those stupid Eds were probably up to something.  
  
"Why has Rolf's Uncle Papsito come to visit him?" Rolf asked, not really getting quite as good a look as Kevin.  
  
"Dude, that's just Ed or Double-Dork dressed up like a zombie. Ignore him." The creature gave out a moan, chilling Jimmy, confusing Rolf, and ticking Kevin off. "Ed! Get that stupid mask off your head!" He said, walking right up to the creature and tugging at its face. Bits of flesh tore off; Kevin was confused: Why would the Eds go to this much trouble? The zombie quickly grabbed Kevin, and it attempted to bite open his neck. Kevin, startled, punched the zombie in the face and staggering it back. The creature released him, and it began moving for him again. Kevin stepped back, examining the dead skin in his hands; it was real; not synthetic. He gasped in realization that Double-D hadn't been kidding at all and that this was indeed a real zombie.  
  
"Guys, run! It's real!" Kevin shouted, running away at full speed. "Zombie!" Rolf and Jimmy looked confused, and stared at Kevin's sudden departure. The creature staggered closer to them, and quickly grabbed Jimmy.  
  
"Uncle Papsito! Release the confused and delicate one!" Rolf said, walking over to the zombie and attempting to pull Jimmy free. The creature moaned, and quickly bit Jimmy in the shoulder. The young tyke screamed out in pain, blood spurting from his wound. Rolf staggered back. Kevin was right! He jumped forward and kicked the zombie in the side, causing it to fall to the ground, releasing Jimmy, who ran off crying. Rolf quickly took a similar course of action, and ran down an alley. He ran into Kevin, who was running the other way.  
  
"Man, they're coming from this way too!" He shouted, pointing down the alley. Rolf's ears picked up the moaning as he saw four of the creatures coming up the lane. Their escape was cut off by barking dogs, who appeared behind them. Rolf and Kevin spun around; the dogs looked much like the zombies, only much quicker. Three of the slobbering creatures blocked them into the alley. With no avenue of escape, Rolf and Kevin prepared to say their prayers.  
  
"It was nice knowing you, Rolf."  
  
"The son of a Shepard wishes to thank you for being his companion, Kevin."  
  
The dogs surged forward, and as Kevin and Rolf braced for the reaper, a loud battle cry was sounded.  
  
"Prepare to meet the demon of the green gravy, dog of not-goodness!" Several loud popping noises were heard, followed by a loud zap and a rat-a- tat-tat of a machine gun. Gazing at what happened, a dog was now on the ground, golf balls laying all around it, one was on the ground so full of needles it would put the world's largest pincushion to shame, and the last one was basically a pile of ashes. Kevin looked up above the fence, and saw Ed holding a vacuum, Double-D a dart gun, and Eddy a bug zapper.  
  
"Hurry guys! Get over the fence!" Eddy shouted to the stunned Kevin and Rolf. They both nodded, and Eddy helped pull Kevin over the fence and Ed picked up Rolf by the head and wung him over as if he was a towel. Kevin stood on the ground, dumbfounded, while Rolf picked himself up about four yards away.  
  
"What's going on?!" Kevin asked, tone light and fearful.  
  
"I told you, Kevin! A virus was set loose in the commercial district and everyone's a zombie! Was anyone attacked by those things?" Double-D said.  
  
"Yeah, Jimmy got bitten by one of them."  
  
"Oh dear. This is bad. They apparently have developed a taste for human flesh; we must warn the others now!"  
  
"Rolf concurs with the head-in-sock-Ed boy! Come, as we have little time." Rolf said, beckoning the Eds and Kevin to follow. They did, but before they could leave the yard, they could hear the scared scream of Nazz around the corner. This was going to be a long night. . . 


	6. Darkness Approaches

Nazz's scream echoed out through the night again as she stepped backward from a trio of zombies staggering towards her. She didn't know what was going on, and whatever these things were weren't messing around. These things wanted to hurt her. . . or worse. Backed into a corner, Nazz had little chance for escape as the creatures moved into a semicircle, blocking any means of escape. She had no means to defend herself, save for her judo lessons, but she couldn't even remember how to throw a punch, she was so scared. The dead, lifeless eyes of the zombies sucked every ounce of courage from the usually very confident girl, and the creatures' horrible moaning did little to help. The three zombies closed to nearly arm length, and Nazz let out another scream, fearing her young life was about to come to an abrupt and rather unpleasant end.  
  
"Open fire!" The voice of Double-D sounded, only a few yards away. Immediately, the sounds of weapons being fired were heard, and the zombie on Nazz's left and in front of her fell, one badly burned and still sparking, and the other filled with crochet needles. "Duck, Nazz!" Double- D shouted. Nazz quickly did as ordered, and Ed opened fire with his golf ball cannon, hitting the remaining zombie in the head so many times, it literally fell off.  
  
"What do I win?!" Ed asked, big grin on his face.  
  
"Ed, this isn't a shooting gallery! Can't your mind remained focused on the present for more than twenty seconds?!" Double-D asked, rhetorically. Ed paused, confused look on his face before replying.  
  
"Nope!"  
  
"Why do you even bother, Double-D?" Eddy asked, frustrated with the both of them.  
  
"Nazz, are you okay?" Edd asked, concerned as Nazz picked herself up from the ground.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, dude." She replied, voice shaken. "What's going on?"  
  
"It's kind of hard to explain, Nazz." Double-D replied.  
  
"Evil mutant zombie mind-munchers from mucous mansion!" Ed shouted, a slight tone of fear in his idiotic voice.  
  
"Couldn't have set it better myself, Lumpy." Eddy returned, frowning at his dopey pal. Rolf and Kevin ran up next to the Eds after the coast was deemed clear.  
  
"Jeez, you okay Nazz?" Kevin asked.  
  
"I'm fine, thanks to the Eds." Nazz replied. Upon hearing this, all of the Eds' faces began to blush heavily. "Now what?"  
  
"We find the other kids. No telling what they could be getting into; Jimmy already got bitten by one of those abominations!" The hat-clad Ed replied.  
  
"Jimmy got bitten? I hope he's okay. . ."  
  
******************************  
  
"It was so scary, Sarah. I thought I was going to be eaten alive. . ." Jimmy whined, tears still streaming from his eyes as Sarah soaked a cloth with peroxide. She carefully began to clean the wound, Jimmy crying out with every dab of the cloth.  
  
"Are you sure it wasn't just my stupid brother, Jimmy?"  
  
"No, Sarah. It wasn't Ed. As brutish as Ed is, not even he would do this."  
  
"Jeez, Jimmy. . . There isn't a such thing as a zombie and you know it."  
  
"Then what bit me, Sarah?"  
  
"I still think it was Ed. Wait until he gets home. . . he's gonna get it." Sarah muttered to herself, bandaging up Jimmy's wounded shoulder. "There, that should do it. Come on, let's go play."  
  
"Okay. . ." Jimmy replied, slowly pulling himself together. He and his companion walked out into the dusk; it was beginning to get late and dinner would be served in less than an hour. Ed would definitely get it at the dinner table, Sarah would see to that much.  
  
"Let's go tend to our garden, Jimmy!" Sarah exclaimed, heading toward her flower garden out in front of her house. She picked up her watering can from a nearby table and began watering the flowers, while Jimmy stood next to her, still cradling his injured shoulder. Sarah turned to face Jimmy, who was beginning to look paler than usual. "Gee, Jimmy, are you okay?"  
  
"I don't feel too well, Sarah."  
  
"You're probably still scared from Ed. I'll make sure he pays for this."  
  
"No, Sarah. . . I really don't feel well." Jimmy said, sweat slowly forming on his brow. Sarah moved her hand to Jimmy's forehead, and quickly recoiled it.  
  
"Jimmy, you're running a fever! You should sit down." She said setting him on the ground against the house. "I guess you weren't kidding. Ed's really going to. . ." Sarah grumbled to herself again, almost boiling over. Her rage was short lived, however, cut off by the sound of a loud moan. Sarah pivoted around behind her to see a large and lanky figure hobbling towards them.  
  
"That's him, Sarah! He bit me!" Jimmy pointed out. "Keep him away!"  
  
"ED!" Sarah shouted, marching up to the zombie. "I'm telling mom what you did to Jimmy!" Sarah yelled into the creature's face. The zombie, taken back and its undead mind somewhat confused, looked at her with his dead eyes. "And take that stupid mask off! You're not fooling anyone!" She screamed, grabbing the zombie by the hair and ripping it out by the roots. Dead blood started flowing from the top pores of the creature's head, and Sarah stared at the locks she had pulled out. They were dead, but they were real. Ed really had a good costume going. . .  
  
"Sarah, look out!" Jimmy shouted, pointing at the advancing zombie who tried to grab her. Sarah, being agile, dodged away with ease.  
  
"ED! KNOCK IT OFF!" She shouted at the zombie, and it replied solely with a loud moan. The creature made another grab for her, but she simply stepped away. "ED! YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT!"  
  
"Oh no! Please depraved sibling! Have mercy!" Ed shouted. "Don't tell mom, Sarah!" Sarah's look changed from rage to being puzzled. She looked behind her to see all three of the Eds, holding weapons out.  
  
"Wait a minute. If you're Ed, then, who's that?" She asked, turning back around. Realizing what was happening, she let out a mighty scream of fear.  
  
"Baby sister! Big brother will save you!" Ed exclaimed, raising the nozzle of the vacuum cleaner. He turned the power on and golf balls spewed forth out of the shop vac, pummeling the offending zombie into submission. It fell to the ground, it's shape now completely inanimate.  
  
"Ed, what was that?"  
  
"I can explain, Sarah. It was a zombie!" Ed replied, actually getting something right for once.  
  
"A zombie? Then what you said was true, Jimmy!" She said, turning to her pale friend, who was looking worse for the wear every second. "Jimmy?" She asked, without getting a response.  
  
"Let me look him over." Double-D said, walking over to Jimmy, whose breathing was becoming more labored, and who was sweating vigorously. Double-D slipped on a pair of rubber gloves and removed the boy's blood- stained blue sweatshirt and examined the bandage on his shoulder. "Nice wrapping of the bandage, Sarah." He remarked, slowly removing it. When he fully removed the bandage, he gasped in astonishment. The wound was huge, bigger than a normal human jaw bite, that was for sure. Edd was careful not to touch the wound at all. "Sarah? Did he get bitten by a zombie or a dog?" Edd recalled Rolf speaking of Jimmy being bitten by a zombie, but the wound wasn't consistent.  
  
"He said it was a zombie; he said it was that one." She replied, pointing to it.  
  
"Look at this. The bite mark is too big to be from that zombie, unless. . . Oh no." Double-D gasped. "He must've become infected. . . This is worse than I thought."  
  
"What?! What's going on?" Eddy interjected. "Is the twerp going to be okay?!"  
  
"Eddy, please!" Edd snapped back, recouping to his solemn voice a moment later. "I doubt it." He replied, looking back at Jimmy's bite. The lad's breathing was now heavily labored, and he looked like he was going to lapse into a coma. "Call an ambulance."  
  
Kevin and Nazz raced into Ed's house to get the phone, while Edd continued staring at the boy's wound. Strange how the wound looked as though it grew; what was going on here? Was Jimmy turning into one of those. . . things? Moments later, Kevin and Nazz returned.  
  
"Double-D, the line's dead!" Nazz replied, breathlessly.  
  
"Let's try the other houses. Eddy, go with them, okay? Try to find Jonny too, if you can." Double-D asked.  
  
"Sure, whatever." Eddy grumbled, figuring he'd be the one to do the dirty work; he'd been doing it all day, why stop now? At least he got to protect Nazz. He could care less about Kevin. Jonny 2x4 might need some help, though. Eddy was ready to smack himself; why was he worried about him? He had bigger fish to fry. Eddy led Nazz and Kevin down the street and into his house.  
  
"How is he, Double-D?" Ed asked, moving closer.  
  
"Not good, Ed. If Nazz and Kevin can't get an ambulance. . ." Double-D trailed off.  
  
"You can't let him die, Double-D!" Sarah cried.  
  
"I can't do any more for him! The T-Virus is unheard of! I don't know anything about its properties!"  
  
"Double-D! Use your smartness to drive the demons from Jimmy's brain!" Ed pleaded, not wanting to see the retainer-clad member of the Cal-De-Sac join the ranks of the dead.  
  
"Ed, this isn't like any horror movie you've seen!"  
  
"Please, Double-D! The evil mutant Cyclops will not be denied if you don't exorcise the demons from poor Jimmy!"  
  
"First of all, I'm surprised you even know what the word 'exorcise' means. . ."  
  
"Of course I know, Double-D! Watch!" Ed smiled, as he started doing jumping jacks. "One-two-three-four! Stick it underneath the ground!"  
  
"Ed, please stop it." Double-D sighed at his moronic friend's pun.  
  
"Is there anything at all you can do, Double-D?" Sarah asked, trying to hold back her tears.  
  
"I'm afraid not, Sarah. It's out of my hands." There was a long drawn out silence among them, until finally Kevin, Nazz, and Eddy returned. Kevin was carrying Jonny in his arms; Plank was embraced by the boy while he was asleep.  
  
"The melon head is sleeping; go figure." Kevin sighed. Ed waltzed up and began poking Jonny on the head. His small frame began to stir, and Jonny woke up slowly.  
  
"Hiya, Ed!"  
  
"Hi, Jonny!"  
  
"What's up everyone?"  
  
"Jonny, something bad is going on." Double-D started, explaining everything that had happened.  
  
"Plank says 'Your brain is full of pickled cabbage, Double-D!'"  
  
"Then look over there if you don't believe him!" Eddy shouted at the board pointing it in the direction of the collapsed zombie and the ailing Jimmy.  
  
"Plank says 'You gotta be kidding me!' Well, they ain't kidding you, buddy." Jonny replied to his board friend. "So, what do we do?"  
  
"Did the phones work, Nazz?"  
  
"No, the whole neighborhood's phones are down; we couldn't get a hold of anybody." Nazz replied, solemnly.  
  
"Then I don't think we can do anything more for Jimmy. . ." Double-D whispered, trying to suppress his anguish. It had been his fault Jimmy had gotten bitten; if he had warned everyone instead of making weapons, the little tyke may have been spared his gruesome fate. He could see Sarah, Nazz, Ed, and even Rolf holding back their tears for the poor kid; even Eddy and Kevin seemed upset at the fate of the child. Double-D looked back at Jimmy, who now looked as though he had stopped breathing. He approached carefully and investigated the wound; it was festering now; Jimmy looked like he had either gone into a coma or had passed on, but the wound continued to fester and grow. Suddenly, tentacle like whips flew out of the wound, and Jimmy's small frame began to mutate. Edd jumped back twelve feet, realizing this was not good. He picked up his gauss rifle and aimed it at the transforming child, but couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger. The others stood stunned and watched as Jimmy's form soon grew into a huge and festering abomination; whatever was left of Jimmy now was gone, save for the retainer, which fell onto the ground after the head string snapped. The creature grew large, and its glowing red eyes turned towards the group and it uttered only one thing:  
  
"Eds. . .!" 


End file.
